How to ask about COVID safety protocols before a party without making it awkward
Gatherings prior to the COVID years had their challenges, but they were more like that I wonder if that person whoever takes over the conversation will be there this year Diversity. Since COVID-19 entered our lives, party hosts must also consider how diligent invitees are to keep COVID at bay.
In the early days of the pandemic, the world learned about Zoom parties, graduations, weddings, and more. It was a challenge, but the rules were clear: don’t breathe side by side. Then it was about masking and social distancing or, whenever possible, getting together in the great outdoors. After that, it wasn’t uncommon for people to demand tests before a party or insist that everyone wear masks.
“COVID has pushed us to have uncomfortable conversations that we didn’t previously have about consent in other forms,” says San Francisco-based therapist Lily Sloane, “that before we hug someone, or ask people, what their protocol is, or [negotiating] what a face-to-face meeting might look like once we got started. So it just forced a much more direct, open communication, which I think is a good thing.”
Now? Rules and behaviors have become scrambled as some people have been exhausted by the pandemic and all the changes it has imposed on daily life: “We’re on that frontier,” says Sloane. I think the social awkwardness of that time feels different because people who’ve generally weathered most of it may be taking different paths now.”
Unless a person has health conditions that make exposure to COVID more of a concern, or is currently dealing with a long-term COVID, there’s a good chance most people will change their approach depending on who else is nearby is. Peer pressure often drives people’s decisions about whether or not to dress up.
“What I notice in myself and in other people is, I think, a fear of talking about I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m a little bit everywhere. And I think that’s a lot of people right now,” Sloane says.
So what is the average COVID-conscious person supposed to do when Christmas celebrations are making a comeback this year? Amid rising COVID cases in parts of the country, Sloane suggests stepping up communication and accepting that the conversation will be uncomfortable at times.
For (potential) party-goers
If a party invitation doesn’t have any information about testing or masking, don’t just cross your fingers and hope to avoid COVID, RSV, flu or whatever else is floating around these days. Communication is key here. Yes, you could always lie and say you plan to visit your old grandmother soon or whatever you don’t plan to do but you lie and want to say you do.
But there is an easier way to address this do you test and/or mask regularly? Conversation before accepting an invitation to a holiday party (so you don’t get caught in a lie next time you’re talking to the party host).
The trick to going the honest route: “Admit the embarrassment,” says Sloane. Ask what to ask about masking or testing, or if the host knows if the other guests are also COVID-aware. There is nothing wrong with taking a stand for yourself and your own health. It’s odd that it’s become awkward to admit that you don’t want to expose yourself to a disease that can actually take your life away. Really very strange.
Need a script? Here are a few questions to make that call (or even better, email) a little easier.
“I understand everyone is in different places with it at the moment. But do the guests have to test for Covid before the party?”
“I know this could be annoying, but I’m trying to be extra careful right now.”
“Maybe I’m being too careful, but can we all wear masks, please? I really want to see everyone and it will make it easier for me to participate.”
And if you get a hard and quick “no” for an answer? It’s not worth a fight. There’s a good chance other attendees think the same way as the host and don’t want to mask or test either. Have fun elsewhere. Or host your own COVID-conscious party at your home.
For party hosts
While there are some people in the world who are just natural hosts, hosting in the COVID era requires extra finesse and thought. “Most people I know who are hosts would feel some degree of responsibility if someone got COVID from their party or event,” says Sloane. So before you send out the invitations or even plan the meal, decide what level of testing or masking you will require of guests. Sloane suggests parameters “aimed at the most cautious person who wants to participate”.
When you send out the invites, don’t be secured. List your masking and testing requirements directly on the invite or, if you’re informal and saying something over the phone, just say everything very clearly and continue with how excited you are to bring people together. (“By the way, we ask everyone to take a Covid test the day before the party.”) Be rejected? A short “I’m so sorry you won’t be able to make it this year. I look forward to seeing you again in the new year.”
After the party
No matter how hard you work to be COVID-safe, there is no way to guarantee you won’t get sick. If you go to a party and catch the virus, tell the host that you have COVID and that they should notify the other guests. If you’re the host, let your guests know they may have been exposed to COVID. Just don’t blame the hosts or other guests. It’s a risk we all take when we socialize these days.
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